118 Days Later
by jbn42
Summary: 118 days is a long time, long enough to make one realize what might be missing in life.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Pre-Series, set up prequel for my other Wash/Taylor fics. As with the others, this was previously published on livejournal. Just as a heads up, the rating will become M at Chapter 3 – my first, and very possibly only ever foray into BAMF smut. **Disclaimer wise, I just wrote this because I enjoy writing, no copyright infringement intended, and I certainly do not own Terra Nova.**

"Son of a bitch!" Alicia Washington is beyond pissed off. The scientist currently cowering in front of her is entirely aware of that fact. "It has been one hundred and sixteen days. How much more damned time do you need?"

"Lieutenant, the portal should reopen any day now. That's as precise as I can be." The scientist being questioned tries to sound authoritative, not easy, given that his survival instinct is screaming at him to wet himself and flee.

"Well, Doctor whatever the hell your name is, that isn't precise enough. And since you can't give me any useful information, that means the rest of the pilgrimage group and I have to camp out right here until the damned portal is open again."

"Westin." The scientist makes the mistake of speaking again.

"What?" Alicia's eyes narrow at him, her hand going to rest on her gun in her thigh holster.

The man visibly flinches, giving her more satisfaction than it really ought to. When he speaks, his voice comes out as a very undignified high-pitched squeak. "Westin. My name is Dr. Westin."

She gives the man a look that could peel the paint off the walls. "Noted."

He literally scurries out of the control area for the portal. She smirks, thinking that Nathaniel will laugh his ass off at the story when she tells him. A moment later, her face falls. Nathaniel has been alone, millions of years in the past, for one hundred and sixteen days. The thought makes her want to rip her hair out, so she's been channeling her frustration into keeping the pilgrimage group ready to go and into browbeating the scientists.

"Wash?" A voice sounds behind her, and she turns to see Guzman, a member of the pilgrimage group and their security specialist. "What's the verdict?"

She snorts. "The best they can tell us is that it could be, and I quote, 'Any day now.' So, we're camping out here. Can you get everyone here with their packs and supplies?"

"I imagine we can have everyone on site and ready to go in a couple of hours."

"Thanks, Guz." She turns back to her own pack to go through it and make sure it's got everything she expects to need. "Can you also make sure we have a least a couple of extra med kits? I have no idea what we're going to find when we get there." She knows he'll understand her barely veiled reference to Nathaniel.

She jumps when she feels a strong hand grip her shoulder and squeeze. "Wash, Commander Taylor's the toughest, most resilient person I've ever known. He'll be there, and he'll be in one piece. I'm sure of it."

She nods stiffly, and he lets go and leaves. After she hears his footsteps retreat, she whispers, "I hope you're right."

Standing up, she drags her pack over to the wall and then sinks down next to it to wait for the rest of the group to arrive. She leans back against the wall and pulls her knees to her chest, and then she wraps her arms around her legs. She closes her eyes, thinking about Nathaniel, from becoming his field medic when she was still just a teenager, to putting each other back together after the murder of his wife and Wash's own near-fatal shooting, to the last year spent preparing to lead and be second in command of an expedition to the past to help save the human race.

It isn't hard for her to acknowledge that she feels far more for him than she ought to. He's certainly her closest friend and the person who has known her longer than anyone else, but it's more than that. As his second in command, it certainly shouldn't be more than that, but that doesn't change the fact that it definitely is. If nothing else, the last one hundred and sixteen days, not knowing if he's OK or not, have made her face just how deep her feelings for him run.

In moments when she's being entirely honest with herself, she admits that she is completely in love with him. She has no idea if he feels the same way about her, but at this point, it doesn't really matter. All she wants, all she needs right now is for him to be all right. Without him, none of this that they're trying to do makes any sense to her. Hell, she definitely wouldn't be going if it wasn't for him asking her to. She has no idea what she'll do if he's not OK.

Shaking her head, she opens her eyes. "Stop it, Alicia. He's OK. He has to be."

*****

Two days later, they are all still camped at the portal when one of the scientists runs into the room where they've been waiting. "It's opening. We think it's opening!"

Alicia immediately jumps to her feet, grabbing her leather jacket and throwing it on. She picks up her pack and shoulders it as she exits the room, hot on the heels of the scientist. Guz stays behind and gets everyone else ready to go, knowing they'll have to go one at a time. They decided long ago that Alicia would be the first one through. As the ranking member of the remaining group, it was never really even up for discussion.

As she catches up with the scientist, she sees a flash of light in front of her, and she recognizes it as the same light Nathaniel vanished through almost four months ago. She looks at the scientists assembled nearby, taking readings. "We think it'll stay open this time, right?"

Most of them are afraid of her, but one speaks up. "Yes. We can't guarantee it, of course, but we're pretty sure that most, probably all of you will get through. But likely just one at a time, and there will be a lag between you, not sure how long."

She nods. "Good enough for me. Let me know when I have a green light."

Staring at the light, she waits. A few moments later, the same scientist speaks again. "Lieutenant, you're good to go. Good luck."

With no hesitation, she walks forward and steps into the light. Though she doesn't know how long it actually takes, it feels like it's just seconds later when she steps through on the other side, stumbling a little on the uneven terrain. She moves clear of the arrival area, immediately on alert for any predators or signs of Nathaniel.

A moment later, she has to stop walking, as she's overcome by a wave of lightheadedness. She's not surprised by it; they were warned that the clean air and abundant oxygen would likely make them dizzy when they first arrived. She drops to her knees and takes some deep breaths, trying to clear her head.

After a minute or so, she feels better, more steady, and she rises back to her feet. Tapping her radio, she says, "Commander, do you copy? Come in." She waits a moment and tries again. "Commander, it's Wash. If you're hearing me, please respond."

When her calls are met with silence, she shoulders off her pack and reaches into it for something she truly hopes she won't need, a med kit in a messenger bag. She throws the kit across her body, and she checks her guns and knife, and, leaving her pack behind where she knows Guz will find it, she heads out to try to track Nathaniel.

As she looks around, she tries to put herself into the mindset she goes into when she's doing sniper work, looking for any telltale sign of life. Of course, in this place, separating out the kind of life something might be is so foreign to her that the going is slow.

Not far from the portal, she finds what appears to be a lightly worn trail. It makes sense to her that Nathaniel would, even if he set up a camp elsewhere, return regularly to the portal to see if anyone else had arrived. At least, that's what she hopes. She doesn't really want to think about what else might've created the trail.

Taking a deep breath, she follows the trail deeper into the rain forest. As she looks around, she can't help but smile in wonder at how green and alive everything is. She knows she'll have time to really appreciate it later, so she keeps moving at a decent clip.

She's so focused on the trail and looking for any signs of life that when her comm crackles to life, it startles her. "Washington, this is Guzman, come in."

"Guz, this is Washington."

"Hey Wash, I take it he wasn't nearby and didn't answer radio calls?" Guz's voice sounds in her ear.

"Affirmative, Guz. I found what looks like a trail, heading northwest from the portal. You stay put and do your best to establish a perimeter and wait for the others." She trusts Guz to keep an eye on things there at the portal, and she has no intention of leaving off her search for Nathaniel.

"Yes, ma'am. I found your pack, and I'll be hanging out here. Be careful and stay in contact, OK?" He sounds concerned but not overly so.

"Copy that, Guz. I'll check in every half hour."

She hears his voice once again. "Then I'll talk to you in 30, Lieutenant. Happy hunting." She can't help but chuckle at that.

A few minutes later, she comes to a small clearing, and up ahead along the trail, she can hear what sounds like moving water. Thinking that it's very likely that some of the local fauna might be likely to congregate near a water source, she draws her sonic weapon and holds it at the ready as she approaches the sound of the water.

About fifty feet down the trail, the path widens out more, and she can't help but gasp. A large river lies ahead, the likes of which they probably haven't seen in 2142 for about fifty years. The water moves over rocks, swirling and eddying into pools of whitewater and clearly treacherous currents.

Suddenly, she feels as though she's being watched. She turns quickly, gun up and powered, only to be greeted with the sight of a small dinosaur. She points her gun at the creature but doesn't fire, rapidly sorting through mental images of dinos that were considered dangerous to humans.

This one is small and birdlike, no more than three feet long, and she realizes that it looks like a small, herbivorous dino she read about in one of the hundreds of plex pads she reviewed in the last six months, though, for the life of her, she can't remember what it's called. As if to confirm her recollection, the small creature cocks its head and lets loose a caw, and then it turns and rips a leaf off of a nearby plant, chewing and watching her.

She lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, and, after putting her gun back to safe mode, she returns to scanning the area for signs of Nathaniel. As if on cue, she feels another pair of eyes on her, and she once again powers her gun and starts to turn. Before she can get turned, she hears another sonic weapon power up.

She freezes in place and before she can stop herself, she quietly speaks his given name. "Nathaniel?"

A wave of relief rolls through her at the sound of his voice, though it is far more gravelly than she's ever heard it. "Alicia?"

She powers down her weapon and holsters it, raising her hands where he can see them and turning around slowly. Her eyes widen at the sight of him. His hair is longer, as is his beard, and both look pretty wild and unkempt. He's relatively clean, but there is something wild in his eyes that speaks of almost four months of complete solitude.

His eyes follow her movements, but he powers his gun down and lowers it almost immediately. She approaches cautiously, waiting for him to speak again. Eventually, when she is less than two feet from him, he quietly rasps out, "Are you real, or have I finally lost it completely?"

The raw hope and emotion in his ghostly-looking grey-blue eyes almost break her heart. She stops within a foot of him and reaches her hand up to his face, gently cupping his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into her touch, and the relief she feels just from touching him almost takes her breath away. "I'm real, Nathaniel." After a beat, she can't resist teasing him, if only to ease the moment. "As for whether or not you've finally lost it completely, well, I'd say the jury is still out."

He opens his eyes and lets out a laugh at that. His face remains serious, though, and after staring at her as if he's trying to memorize everything about the moment, he grasps her hand on his face with his and pulls her to him. He brings her so close to him that she's honestly not sure if there is even a millimeter of light passing between them. "I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you, Alicia."

She's slightly tense at first, but then she relaxes, wrapping her arms around him and letting out a sigh as she presses her face into his neck. Time seems to slow down as they stand there holding on to each other, so much so that she's once again startled when she hears Guz's voice in her ear. "Wash? You copy? You missed your check in, is all OK?"

Blinking, she leans just far enough away from Nathaniel to pull one arm free and tap her radio. "Sorry Guz, I'm here. I have Na-, I have the Commander, and he seems all right."

"Thank God. A few more men have arrived, Wash. Does the Commander have a suggested site for a camp?"

She looks up at him. "I'm not sure, Guz. Let me talk to him, and I'll get back with you shortly."

"Copy that, Wash. Take all the time you need and tell him I said I'm glad he's OK. Guzman out."

She tries to pull further away from him, to re-establish some professional boundaries, but he appears completely uninterested in either of those things. His arms tighten around her. "Just give me another minute or so, Alicia."

There is a pleading note to his voice she just can't ignore. To be honest, she is enjoying his closeness and being wrapped in his arms far more than she probably should be, but in that moment, she realizes that she doesn't give a damn. He's here, he's alive and he's holding her. Everything else can wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**As a heads up, this story's rating will become an M after this chapter. Disclaimer wise, I just wrote this because I enjoy writing, no copyright infringement intended, and I certainly do not own Terra Nova.**

She's not sure how long they stand there holding on to each other, but she eventually feels him start to loosen his grip on her as he relaxes. Following his lead, she pulls her arms back and takes a half step away from him, looking up to meet his eyes. After a few moments, he says, "So, what took you so long, Wash?"

She smiles, knowing, from the use of her nickname, that he's coming back to himself. She's also mildly disappointed that he isn't using her name anymore, but she pushes that feeling down and focuses on him. "The damned scientists couldn't tell us why it wouldn't reopen, and they couldn't figure out how to force it. I'm sorry it took so long, sir."

Her eyes trail down to his neck, and she sees a cut there. He's clearly following the progress of her gaze, because he says, "It's nothing, Wash. I'm fine."

She arches an eyebrow. "Don't make me force you down, sir."

He chuckles and shakes his head before dropping into a sitting position on a nearby rock. "You've gotten bossier."

"You have no idea." She opens the med kit she carries, pulling out some alcohol swabs, bandages and antiseptic ointment. After she cleans and covers the cut on his neck, she examines both of his arms closely. Turning his left arm over, she sees a deep gash, relatively new, on his palm. "This needs stitches, sir. You're lucky it isn't infected."

As she kneels down in front of him and tends to the gash, cleaning it and starting to stitch it, she feels a wave of emotion flow through her. The staggering relief at finding him alive and relatively unscathed is accompanied by an explosion of her fear, fear for him, that she has been suppressing for the last one hundred eighteen days.

She feels ridiculous, but she has to take a shuddering breath and blink hard against the tears she feels welling in her eyes. She just concentrates on his hand, hoping he won't notice. But he's Nathaniel Taylor, and very little gets past him. He raises his uninjured hand and uses it to brush some errant strands of hair, escaped from her ponytail, out of her eyes. "Wash?"

She just takes another deep breath and keeps going on his hand. "Alicia? I'm OK. I've been going a little nuts from the quiet, but I really am otherwise OK."

Without looking up, she speaks before she can stop herself, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I didn't know that, Nathaniel. The damned scientists couldn't even say for certain that you'd made it through. I spent one hundred eighteen days not knowing. Not knowing if you were alive or dead. Not knowing if you were injured or sick. I just had to hope for the best and keep harassing the scientists. All I wanted to do was get to you, and that was the one thing I couldn't do."

She finishes the last stitch as a tear finally escapes, treacherously sliding down her face. Instead of looking up at him, she busies herself repacking the med kit. As she goes to close up the bag, he grabs it and sets it aside. She just stares down at her now-empty hands in silence.

He slides off of the rock, dropping to his knees in front of her. When she still doesn't look up, he reaches forward and tips her chin up, making her look at him. She's still blinking back tears, and his look of dismay at that makes her feel instantly guilty. She shakes her head, lowering it again, swiping at her eyes and desperately trying to distance herself from her emotions. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. You're the one who was trapped here alone, and I'm the one falling apart."

She starts to stand up, but his hands shoot out and grasp her arms, keeping her from rising to her feet. "Sir?"

His hands tighten on her arms. "Stop 'sir'-ing me, Alicia. Just because I was the one stuck here alone, that doesn't mean that I'm the only one allowed to struggle with my emotions. Even you are allowed to get upset now and then."

She just shakes her head again and stares at the ground between them, mortified by her behavior. He loosens his grip slightly and rubs his hands up and down her arms. "We can't do this without you, Nathaniel." She pauses, and then she whispers, "_I _can't do this without you."

His hands freeze on her arms, making her look up at him again. There is something in his expression that makes her breath catch. She suddenly finds herself transfixed by his eyes, unable to look away. Slowly, she slides her arms through his hands until she can grasp his hands with hers.

He doesn't react at first, just stares at her, and she starts to think he's going to pull away. Her chin lifts a little, almost defiantly, as if she's expecting some kind of blow. But then, he entwines his fingers with hers. Tension grows between them, but she waits for him to make a move. She isn't disappointed. A moment later, he tugs on her hands, pulling her closer to him. Her breath catches again as he leans towards her, and then she begins to move to meet him halfway, her eyes fluttering closed.

Her comm unit chooses that moment to burst to life. "Wash, this is Guz. We've had some more arrivals, these with supplies. Any word on a suggested camp site?"

She jumps and pulls back at the sound of Guzman's voice, a blush coloring her cheeks. Giving Nathaniel an apologetic look, she lets go of his hand to reach up and tap her radio. "Guz, we were just getting to that. I'll call you back in a few." She then breaks the connection.

Without waiting for him to say anything, Alicia jumps to her feet and holds her hand out to help him up. He lets her pull him to his feet as well. Ignoring the slight awkwardness of the moment, she says, "Guz wants to know if you have any suggestions for a camp site?"

"I do. Are they all still at the portal?"

"Yes, sir. Some are still coming through, since it's only letting one pass through at a time." She grabs the med kit and avoids his eyes.

He isn't having it. His hand shoots out and grabs one of hers, making her stop moving. "Alicia."

"Commander," she begins, looking up at him. His eyes seem to flash with a sort of warning. "_Nathaniel_, we need to get back."

Their eyes lock briefly in a sort of silent battle, and then he sighs. "OK. For now, Alicia, we'll head back. But we aren't through with this."

She blinks and then, after a moment, nods her agreement. "Do you have your pack nearby?"

They gather his pack, and he grabs her hand and heads them back towards the portal. She tries to pull her hand away from him, but he won't let go. He holds tight until they hear voices ahead. Only then does he release his grip on her.

Ten days later, they still haven't talked about what almost happened that first day. Some of it is avoidance, but it's also just that they've been so busy that it's hard to find time where they feel comfortable that they'll be able to maintain a level of privacy, that no one will overhear or interrupt them.

They've definitely been alone together since then, though. The first night, she'd taken one of the perimeter watches for half of the night. She and Guz had convinced him that he didn't need to do any of the watches, as they knew he had to be tired and distracted after so long on his own.

Only an hour into her watch shift, he'd appeared out of the night and dropped on the ground next to her. After a moment, she'd said, "Nathaniel?"

His response had been gruff. "Couldn't sleep, was too quiet in my tent. I can't willingly be alone right now. I've had enough of being alone."

After that night, he seldom left her side. If he wasn't with her, he was with Guz, but it was mostly her. It probably should have been awkward, but it wasn't.

Now, they're trekking through the forest back to the portal after he'd shown her the site he thinks will be the best for the new colony. Guz had objected slightly to the two heads of the group going off alone, but Nathaniel had just said that they needed to make some command decisions, and she needed to see the site before they did that. He also said that they could move faster and attract less attention from predators if they went alone.

As they move through the woods, Alicia is a little on edge, because she can sense that he wants to talk. She smirks, thinking that usually, it would be the woman who is anxious to talk. She's honestly surprised that he hasn't brought it up yet.

She considered raising the topic herself, but she realized that she needs to know how he feels, that it wasn't just euphoria over seeing another human being for the first time in four months. There is very little that scares her, but the thought of losing him nearly paralyzes her, so she wants to let him come to her.

Suddenly, their companionable silence is broken by a huge clap of thunder, and the warm, humid air becomes almost instantly heavier, the sunlight disappearing, leaving them cloaked in an ominous darkness. Even as the first fat rain drop hits her face, he grabs her hand and starts dragging her behind him. "Commander? What's going on? Shouldn't we try to get back to the camp?"

He doesn't stop moving. "No. We don't have time."

"What do you mean? The storm is just starting?" She's baffled by his reaction to the thunderstorm.

"Trust me, Lieutenant."

She knows he wouldn't overreact to something like weather, so she just goes with him without further protest. After a few minutes hurrying through the now torrential downpour, she sees a rocky formation on high ground in front of them. He heads them straight for it. As he does, she hears him radio Guz, warning him about the storm and letting him know that they're safe and taking cover.

When they get there, she can see a small cave in the rocks. He has her wait, watching for predators, as he goes in and checks, she assumes, to make sure the cave is uninhabited. He returns a moment later and grabs her hand again, pulling her into the small cave. As he shoves a small boulder in front of the opening, leaving enough room for air flow but nowhere near enough for something dangerous to enter, she pulls out a flashlight and surveys their little space.

It's about ten feet square, and as she sweeps the area with her light, she sees a pile of wood on the ground near one wall. "I take it this isn't the first time you've sheltered here?"

He's finished moving the boulder and comes over to her. "No. The storms come from nowhere and they can be long and violent. I once had to sit here for three days."

"Three days?" She can't mask her shock at that.

He nods, throwing his pack against the wall and starting to shed his armor and soaked boots. "Three days. It was a nasty storm, and then the flash floods kept me here."

Despite the warmth of the air, she suddenly feels a shiver go through her. The medic in her takes over. "We need to get out of these wet clothes."

She drops her own pack and digs through it, hoping that the things in it will have stayed relatively dry. She finds a dry tank top, fatigues and socks so she pulls them out. She strips off her own armor and looks over at him, only to find him watching her with an almost predatory expression on his face.

Once she swallows her shock at his look, she says, "Find something dry for you, and you get changed too," she pauses, "And turn around, Nathaniel."

He complies with a chuckle and a, "Yes, ma'am."

An hour later, they are seated on a blanket on the floor of the cave, watching the flames of the small fire they built to drive out the chill of the rapidly decreasing temperature. They sorted through the rations they have, finding that they still have plenty of the protein bars they brought with them from the future. She'd stopped eating those when fresh food became an option.

Bored, she reaches up and pulls the tie from her hair, intending to comb through the tangles she knows are there after being caught in the rain. She pulls her brush and comb from a pocket in her pack, and she gets to work. Almost immediately, she gets to a nasty tangle that makes her shift a little and swear softly.

She jumps when Nathaniel reaches for her hand and takes the comb from her. "Turn around." She gives him a funny look, making him raise an eyebrow at her. "Turn around, Lieutenant."

Their eyes lock briefly, and then she complies, turning around so he can get to her hair. She's tense at first, but as he slowly and carefully works through each knot, she starts to relax. After about ten minutes, he's worked all the tangles free. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him put down the comb and pick up the brush, which he begins to methodically run through her long hair.

As he gently, and she realizes, almost reverently, brushes her hair for her, she feels herself becoming almost languid, most of her guard slipping away. Before she even thinks about it, she says, "My mom used to brush my hair for me every night. Part of why I've never cut it short, even though it would be better as a soldier, is because brushing it reminds me of her."

He pauses his motion for a moment before going back to the methodical strokes. "How old were you when she passed?"

She looks down at her hands folded in her lap. "Fourteen."

He stops brushing then, putting the brush aside. His arm suddenly wraps around her shoulders from behind, making her gasp lightly. He scoots closer to her, his back against the wall of the cave, and he pulls her back against him. She relaxes into his side, deciding that it's time to stop avoiding this, time to see where it's going, if anywhere.

His voice startles her. "Same age as Lucas when Ayani…" He trails off.

She sits up, turning to look at him. He's staring into the fire, a haunted look on his face. She reaches up, running her hand through his hair now, knowing there is little to no real comfort she can offer, even four years later.

"He hates me now, Lucas does." His voice is gravelly and deep, and he keeps staring into the fire as he speaks. "He thinks it's my fault that she died, and he's right, of course. But I couldn't have done it any different, Alicia. I had to choose him. It was the right thing, if such a thing could even exist in that situation, and it was what she wanted. But to Lucas, I'm just the man who let Ayani die, and die horribly."

If it was anyone else, she might've offered some words of comfort, tried to pretend it would be OK in the end. But it's him; they've never bullshitted each other, and she won't start now. So, she just stays quiet and scoots closer to him, leaning into his side as she continues to run her hand through his hair.

They're both silent for a while after that, until she finally says, "That year took a lot from all of us."

She feels him nod. "I'm just grateful I got you back whole and in one piece."

At that, she just makes a non-committal, "Hmm," and instinctively pulls away a little, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Alicia?" She looks at him to see his brow furrowed in concern. "Are you OK?"

"It's nothing."

"I doubt that. What is it?" he pushes.

She curses herself for being so transparent in front of him, and she jumps up, starting to pace, suddenly frustrated by the rain she can still hear pounding down outside their little sanctuary. "OK, it's not nothing, but it is something that doesn't matter, Nathaniel. And it's also something I don't want to talk about."

He stands up and blocks her from pacing further, placing his hands on her upper arms. "Are you still dealing with after effects from your shooting? Why didn't you tell me?"

Her eyes snap up to his. "It's not anything like that. It's nothing that impairs me physically, not in day to day life."

"Alicia, what does that mean? What are you not telling me?" His hands squeeze her arms tighter.

"Nathaniel…"

"Alicia. Tell me." His tone leaves no room for argument, though she knows he'd likely relent if she chose to withdraw further. But, the concern in his tone and the softness in his eyes tell her that he's asking not as her C.O., but as someone who cares about her.

She turns her eyes downward. "When I was shot, I took three bullets, you know that. Two to the chest, one to my lower abdomen. The two to my chest were the ones that almost killed me, but the third one did more…permanent damage."

"Alicia, what kind of damage?" He loosens his grip on her arms.

She sighs and turns to stare into the fire, as he had been doing earlier. "You just said you got me back whole. There are just some days, fewer now than there used to be, when I don't feel whole anymore."

He starts to speak again, but she cuts him off. "Most days, I know that I'm lucky as hell. But," she finally looks up and meets his eyes again, "The third bullet damaged one of my fallopian tubes and nicked my uterus. They had to remove the tube completely, though I do still have the other one, and they were able to repair the damage to my uterus with minimal scarring."

She sighs again, hugging her arms around her torso, "They thought that was it, but I developed an infection when I was in the hospital. Long story short, between the damage done by the bullet and the damage done by the infection, the chances that I could ever get pregnant and actually carry that pregnancy to term are in the range of about three to four percent."

He doesn't say anything, and she finds herself feeling the need to fill the silence. "You know, it's funny. I never really wanted kids. I never even thought about it much. Everything was just about making it through today. Tomorrow was an eternity away. But when my doctor told me, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Sometimes, when I think about it too much, I still feel that way. So, most days I'm fine. But some days, I'm broken."

He puts his hands on her arms and gently turns her back to look at him again. "Alicia, you're not broken. How can you even think that?"

She scoffs. "I doubt many other men would feel that way. I'm already intimidating. Now, I can't even have a child. Lord knows no one would ever want me like this." When she stops speaking the tears have returned to her eyes, and she tries to turn away again, hating herself for showing so much weakness.

He doesn't let her turn from him. Instead, he tightens his hands on her arms and pulls her to him. As he lowers his face to hers, he murmurs, "I know of at least one man who wants you, Alicia." Then, he crushes his lips to hers, possessing her completely with just one bruising kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: ****I am not a smut writer, but here is my only foray into it thus far - I'm generally the queen of the 1950s movie fade for love scenes, but I thought I'd give it a try. This chapter is definitely NOT for kids! Disclaimer wise, I just wrote this because I enjoy writing, no copyright infringement intended, and I certainly do not own Terra Nova.**

Once her shock passes, she presses herself to him, her hands coming up to clutch at his t-shirt as she kisses him back with equal intensity. When she responds to him, one of his hands moves up into her hair, tilting her head so he can deepen the kiss. He takes advantage when the move makes her gasp a little, his tongue sliding into her mouth.

She whimpers softly at the feeling, but her tongue immediately begins to battle his for dominance. While one of his hands stays buried in her hair, the other moves down to her waist, ghosting along the edge of her tank top before slipping beneath it, his palm spreading out flat on the bare skin of her lower back, sending a shiver through her.

In turn, her hands move to his waist, pulling his own t-shirt up and out of her way. Her fingers work against his skin, finding the scars of the wounds she herself repaired, ghosting along them as they continue their almost desperate kiss. As her hands quest higher up his torso, his t-shirt gets in her way, so her hands move back down to the edge of his shirt, and she pulls away from him long enough to lift the offending garment up over his head.

She tosses it towards the blanket they'd been sitting on earlier, and his hands go for the edge of her tank top. Before he lifts it over her head, his eyes meet hers. "Are you sure about this, Alicia? Because once you're mine, I have no intention of ever letting you go."

His words and the implication behind them steal her breath away, and so she simply nods and moves his hands out of the way, pulling her tank up and over her head, tossing it in the same direction she'd thrown his t-shirt. She knows her military-issue sports bra is about as far from sexy as a bra can be, but the way his eyes devour the sight of her makes it very clear that he doesn't give a damn.

He slowly starts to back them towards the blanket. When they get there, he pushes her gently down to it. For now, she's content to let him take the lead, so when he puts his hands on her shoulders to urge her to lie back on the blanket, she complies easily, knowing she'll find a moment to take control later.

Instead of returning to her lips, his head ducks down, and his lips meet her neck, sucking lightly as his hands skim over her breasts. When his lips find a particularly sensitive spot just beneath her ear, she tilts her head to the side to grant him easier access to it. With that, his hands cup her breasts through her bra, and he begins to suck harder at her neck. She gasps but manages to speak, her voice breathy and strained. "No visible marks, Nathaniel."

He lifts his head to meet her eyes, and the heated intensity in his gaze is staggering. Then he smirks, and grips the edges of her sports bra, pulling it over her head and releasing her breasts. His eyes go to her chest, and she can't help but be flattered by the look on his face. "God, you're beautiful, Alicia," he looks back up at her, a wicked gleam in his eye, "No _visible_ marks?"

Before she can protest, his mouth connects with the skin of the valley between her breasts. He begins licking his way towards her right nipple, and a moment later, she moans and arches her back as he first nips at the hardened peak and then begins to suck. Her hands immediately go to his hair, threading through it, her nails scratching at his scalp.

While his mouth pays attention to one breast, one of his hands pays attention to the other, massaging and squeezing it, and the sensations nearly send her eyes rolling back in her head. Suddenly, his mouth leaves her nipple and sucks hard on the skin of her breast, so much so that it makes her gasp.

When he looks up, he appears to be very pleased with himself, and she shoots him a murderous look. He attempts to look innocent, but the wicked gleam is still there in his eye. "What? Your bra will cover that nicely."

She rolls her eyes and, her hands still in his hair, pulls his face back to hers for another searing kiss. He is clearly absorbed in it, so she takes the opportunity, running her hands up to his shoulders and using her leg to flip them, him landing flat on his back. She straddles him quickly, sitting over him with her hands on his shoulders. The look of surprise on his face makes her smirk, and his hands move to her hips, gripping them tight as he thrusts his hips up towards hers.

The feel of his hardness pressing against her through the fabric of their fatigues nearly distracts her from her new mission, but she comes back to herself quickly. Starting at his neck, she kisses her way down to his collarbone, her hands running over his torso. She slowly moves down his body, kissing and licking along his scars, paying special attention to the one that took sixty-seven stitches to close.

Eventually, she arrives at the edge of his fatigues, and she doesn't waste any time unbuttoning and unzipping them. She then grabs the waistband of them and of his boxers underneath, and she pulls them down his legs. Moving back up his body, she sees that he has raised himself on his elbows and is now watching her closely.

She leans down and drops kisses on his thigh as she moves up, stopping when she gets to his hips and raising her head. She shoots him a look with the same wicked gleam he wore earlier, and she leans back down, reveling in the anticipatory breath she hears him take.

Instead of doing what he might have been expecting, she drops an open-mouthed kiss on his hip, sucking sharply. A moment later, she raises her head again, catching his eye. His eyebrow is raised, and she throws his earlier words back at him. "What? Your boxers will cover that nicely."

His bark of laughter is cut off when she quickly drops her head again and takes him into her mouth, sucking lightly and caressing him with her tongue. After a few strokes of her mouth up and down, his hands find their way into her hair. She expects him to use his hands to hold her in place, but he surprises her by using them to draw her head up and even with his. He kisses her hard and flips them again, pinning her under him.

She gives him a puzzled look, and he leans down to her ear. "If I let you keep doing that, this isn't going to last anywhere near as long as I intend it to."

The giggle that escapes her at that is a quiet, wholly feminine sound, and his amused expression tells her he is surprised to hear it from her. With a smile, she shrugs sheepishly, and he kisses her, this kiss gentler than any of the others so far.

When he pulls back a minute later, there is something soft in his eyes. It's a look she's never seen directed at her before, not by anyone. His hand comes up and brushes her hair back, and he suddenly seems very serious, all of their earlier playfulness set aside. He gently brushes her lips with his again before saying, "I love you, Alicia."

Her eyes widen in shock at his words, and she feels the air leave her lungs. As she lets what he said sink in, he must mistake her silence for panic or reticence. "Alicia, you don't have to say anything, I just thought it was right to tell you how I feel before we…"

She blinks a few times and then interrupts him by leaning up and pressing her lips to his. After a moment, she bumps her nose against his affectionately. "I love you too, Nathaniel."

He grins and then kisses her again, clearly relieved by her response. "I knew that."

"Sure you did." She leans up and nips at the underside of his jaw.

He begins kissing his way down her neck again, stopping only briefly at her breasts this time. When he gets to her waist, as with her treatment of him, he wastes no time in undoing her fatigues and pulling them from her body. Unlike her, though, he leaves her underwear in place. She leans up to watch him as he had her, and she can't help but smile at his intake of breath when he comes back up and sees her panties.

While her bra was a plain, modest sports bra, her panties are far less conservative. She has a secret love of pretty underthings, and while the bra needs to be more functional, she does frequently indulge in sexy panties. These are a relatively demure black cotton trimmed with only a small amount of red lace, but it's the cut that brings a gleam to his eye. They sit low on her hips, high cut, skin tight bikinis that leave little to the imagination.

He drops a feather-light kiss on her hip. "Not exactly regulation, Lieutenant."

"Sorry, Commander. Would you like to Court Martial me?"

"Maybe later." He chuckles and runs his tongue along the edge of the lace, rubbing his fingers against her core through the cotton. The sensation makes her arch into him, bucking her hips into his hand.

With a growl, he hooks his fingers over the edge of her panties and drags them down her legs. He then moves back up, putting a hand on each knee and running them upward towards her hips, gently parting her legs. As he caresses her inner thighs, he trails kisses in the wake of his hands.

His mouth and hands move closer and closer to her center. A moment later, when his fingers part her folds and his lips brush her core, she arches again, her hands clutching at the blanket. First one and then two of his fingers enter her, finding her already soaking wet in anticipation. She gasps when his mouth closes around her and sucks, and her hands move to his head, fingers threading into his hair.

She lets him work her for a few more moments, making her gasp more and quiver under his touch, but then, as he had her, she uses her hands in his hair to pull his head up to hers. She can't stay still as his hand stays between her legs, continuing to caress her. He gives her a questioning look.

Despite the intimacy of their current positions, she actually blushes slightly. He looks both a little amused and a little concerned by the pink coloring her cheeks, and his hand stills against her. "Alicia, is this OK? I don't want you uncomfortable."

She blinks and blushes further. "It's not that. Believe me, I am about as far from uncomfortable as it is possible to be. It's just that I, well," she pauses, upset with herself for being embarrassed to say this. He lifts an eyebrow at her, and she shakes her head and huffs out a breath. When she continues, her voice is a little breathy, not much louder than a whisper. "I want you inside me the first time I come with you."

His eyes actually darken at her admission, and he crushes his lips to hers in their most bruising, possessive kiss so far. Their mouths stay locked together as she feels him moving against her, positioning himself between her legs. His hands grip her hips, and just moments after she feels him nudging at her entrance, he moves inside her with one hard thrust.

Their lips part as she gasps and throws her head back, and her hands grip his hips, nails digging in. He moves within her, and she whimpers a little at the feeling, taking another deep breath at how full and sensitive she feels. He freezes again. "Are you all right, Alicia?"

It takes her a moment to find her voice. She presses her forehead to his after she nods. "Yes, it's just been a while."

He looks suddenly contrite, withdrawing slightly. Before he can move far, her nails immediately dig into his hips again, and her legs come up and wrap around him. She nearly growls at him, "Don't you dare go anywhere. I just need a second." Then she presses her mouth back to his.

As she feels herself begin to relax around him, she grinds her hips upward into his. This time, he's the one to break their kiss with a gasp. He chuckles. "I take it that's my green light?"

She rolls her hips, her lips connecting with his neck as she hums in agreement. He begins to move against her again, thrusting in and out in a steady rhythm, slipping a little deeper each time as she moans and writhes beneath him. It feels amazing, and she can't believe how well they fit together.

She hears his breathing becoming more labored, and he changes his angle slightly, pushing him deeper as his thrusts start coming harder and faster. Her hands slide up his back, her nails likely leaving red trails behind them. "God, Alicia!"

She lifts her hips to meet each of his thrusts, and she feels her climax building deep in her body. As he withdraws before his next thrust, he slips one hand between their bodies and slides his fingers across her core. The new contact makes her arch and cry out, her nails digging into his shoulders even harder.

His fingers continue to slide against her in counterpoint to each thrust, even as his motions become more erratic. She's now crying out with each thrust, and her inner muscles begin to tighten around him more with each invasion of her body. As his rhythm breaks down completely, she realizes that he's also close.

He shifts his position slightly again, and this time, he hits her deeper than ever before, and that feeling, combined with his fingers still moving against her, sends her over the edge, screaming his name as she comes apart all around him. It only takes a few more thrusts for him to follow her, dropping his head into her neck and yelling out her name in completion.

Alicia's eyelids flutter as he collapses against her, his head pillowed on her chest. She gently runs her fingers through his hair as they both slowly come back to themselves, him still buried deep inside her body. About a minute later, he lifts his head and rolls them so that he is on his back. Only then does he withdraw from her, and she curls up into his side, one leg thrown across his, and her arm wrapped possessively across his chest.

They are both silent for a while, the only sounds they hear being the fire softly crackling nearby and the rain as it continues outside. He's being so uncharacteristically quiet that she finds herself wondering if he's fallen asleep.

She lifts her head to look at him, and he meets her eyes with an almost reverential adoration. It's such a flattering expression that it actually makes her wonder how she appears to him. She reaches up and drops a kiss to the underside of his jaw. "I love you, Nathaniel."

He grins at her, a sudden mischievous glint in his eye. "You just remember who said it first, Alicia."

She can't help but laugh and roll her eyes at him before curling back into his side. They fall asleep listening to the rain outside and to the rhythm of each other's breathing, wrapped around each other, both feeling at peace for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer wise, I just wrote this because I enjoy writing, no copyright infringement intended, and I certainly do not own Terra Nova.**

Alicia wakes up the next day with him spooned up against her from behind, one of his arms around her waist, the other making a firm pillow for her head. She can tell from his breathing that he's probably still asleep, so she stays still and quiet, thinking about the night before. She's wonderfully sore in places where she hasn't been sore in years, due to a few rounds of physical activities with him, the last only a few hours ago.

She can't help but smile when she thinks about it, even while feeling a little worried at the same time. This is so far outside of the regs that it's not even funny. It's bad enough that she's now officially sleeping with her C.O., but for them to have admitted their feelings for each other just makes it even more complicated and likely to be considered a conflict of interest for both of them.

She sighs a little, wondering how they're going to pull this off. No one should know about them, even though she can't help but think that Guz already has an idea that their relationship is far more than just professional colleagues and friends.

His arms suddenly tighten around her, making her jump, and his voice sounds in her ear, still gravelly with sleep. "You're thinking too much, Alicia. I can damn near hear it."

She huffs out a laugh. "Sorry," she turns in his arms to face him, "But you know we have things to talk about, Nathaniel."

He nuzzles his face into her neck. "What if I just order you to go back to sleep?"

She runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, that's one of the things we need to talk about."

He lifts his head, raising an eyebrow at her. "How so?"

"Nathaniel, you know I'll follow you anywhere, and you know I'll always take orders." He nods, and she goes on, "But not when we're like this."

He furrows his brow at her. "What does that mean, Alicia?"

"I think you know perfectly well what it means, Nathaniel, but just in case, I'll be clear. If it has to do with anything military or anything related to our jobs, clearly, I follow orders."

He nods. "I see a 'but' coming."

"Good eye, Nathaniel." She smirks at him, but then gets serious again. "_But_, if this is going to work, when you and I are alone and it's personal time, we're just Nathaniel and Alicia. No one has the higher ground. In our personal relationship, I need us to be on equal footing, Nathaniel."

He's silent for a moment. "Alicia, I don't know if I can do that."

"I know for a fact that you can do anything you set your mind to, Nathaniel Taylor. I love you, probably more than you even understand, but this is important to me. In the context of our personal relationship, if I cede all authority to you, I could end up resenting you. I don't want that, and I know you don't either." She looks at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

He reaches up with one hand, cupping her cheek and running his thumb along her cheekbone. "OK, Alicia. Two conditions, though." At her nod, he continues, "One, if it's a gray area, I can take charge. When in doubt, we default to the chain of command." He looks at her for agreement.

She nods again. "I can live with that. And two?"

"Two is my disclaimer. I need you to promise you'll be patient with me, because I'm used to being in charge. I'm going to mess this up. A lot. It won't be intentional, but I know it will happen."

She smiles and leans up and kisses him, pressing her naked body against his. Once she pulls away, she says, "I can live with that too, and I promise to be patient."

He wraps his arms tight around her, and they go silent for a while. Eventually, she notices something. "It stopped raining."

"So it did. We'll probably be hearing from Guz soon."

As if on cue, one of their comms crackles to life. They reluctantly release each other and start digging around for it. He finds his a moment later, and he replies to Guz that they're OK and still holed up.

She watches as he pulls on his boxers while talking to Guzman, and, with a mischievous grin, she beats him to his t-shirt, pulling it on over her head. It's like a dress on her, but that doesn't seem to bother him. As a matter of fact, the way he's staring at her, his shirt only going to mid-thigh and offering him a pretty generous view of her bare legs, tells her that he's going to be trying to get her to wear his clothing more often.

She wanders over to the entrance of the cave, trying to peer over the large rock blocking it. A moment later, he comes up behind her, and she hears him say, "Hold on a moment, Guz." He clicks off the comm and hands it to her. "I need to move the rock and see if it's passable outside."

Nodding, she steps out of the way. He moves the rock enough to get a look around it. Pulling back, he holds his hand out for the comm. She hands it to him and goes to look around the rock as he activates the comm and says, "We're stuck here a bit longer, Guz. There's been a flash flood. It'll be at least few hours, probably longer before it recedes. If it looks like we won't be able to make it back by nightfall, we'll stay here and head home in the morning."

Her view around the rock confirms his report to Guz. The water in the area has risen several feet, the area impassable, though the water is well clear of the entrance to their cave and it does appear to be receding a little already. She realizes that he was definitely right. They probably would have drowned or would be stuck at the top of some tree if they'd tried to make it to the camp.

She hears him sign off with Guz, so she steps back from the cave entrance. He comes over and moves the rock back into place, not wanting to leave it open for predators to join them. He turns back to her with a wicked grin. "Looks like we're stuck here a while longer." With that, he grabs her, tosses her over his shoulder and heads back to their blanket.

"Nathaniel!" She tries to sound outraged, but she can't quite pull it off because she's laughing so hard.

*****

A while later, she's once again curled up against him, her head resting on his shoulder. She's using her fingertips to trace along the scars on his chest, and his hand is gently combing through her hair. She clears her throat a little. "So, there's one thing we haven't talked about, Nathaniel."

He sighs. "I know."

"We're going to have to be careful. If this was to become common knowledge, I don't even know how bad the repercussions could be."

He hugs her tighter to him. "They could be very bad, Alicia. We'd both be Court Martialed, and we'd lose our command positions."

She nods against his shoulder. "There's another person who you don't want to know, Nathaniel. It's not just a military issue." She feels him look down at her, so she turns her face up to his. He is wearing a questioning expression, so she explains, "Lucas, Nathaniel. You already told me how angry he is. Won't this, you and me together, make it a thousand times worse?"

His hand freezes in her hair. "Damn. I hadn't thought about that. Honestly, though, Alicia, it's a lost cause. While we'll be just as careful around him as we are around everyone else, I can't not be alive to spare his feelings." He pauses, taking a deep breath. "He's my son, and I'll always love him, always be willing to die to protect him, but I love you too, Alicia, and I have for quite a while. We'll just do the best we can once he gets here."

"OK, Nathaniel. At some point, though, I think we'll have to tell Guz, if for no other reason than, as the likely person to take over if something happened to both of us, he deserves to hear about it from us as opposed to finding out some other way."

He drops a kiss to her forehead. "Fair enough. But we don't have to tell him now, do we? I really want this to just be ours for a while, if you know what I mean."

She nestles closer to him. "I do know what you mean, and I agree. But you really are going to have to control your urge to mark me. I don't want hiding hickeys to become my mission in life."

He chuckles. "Yes, ma'am." They go quiet again for a moment before he says, "So, I think the water won't recede soon enough for us to make it back to camp tonight. Don't you agree?"

She peers up at him, briefly confused. The water had already appeared to be receding slightly. The look on his face, though, makes a light go on over her head. "I completely agree. Guess we're stuck here for another night. Do you think they can manage without us?"

"I have every confidence in Guzman. I'm sure they'll be fine. But how will we keep ourselves occupied?" He raises an eyebrow at her.

"Hmm." She pretends to think for a moment, and then she pushes away from his side and throws a leg over him, pulling herself up to straddle his hips. He's laughing as she leans forward, her hair curtaining around them. Just before her lips collide with his, she murmurs, "I'm sure we'll think of something, Nathaniel."


End file.
